My Battered Keyboard

The letters on my keyboard are disappearing. The "L" was the first to fade to black, and the "M" and the "C" are following suit. At first, this reality amused and delighted me: I write so much that the keys can't keep up! I thought, How cool is that? I pondered whether the "L" was the most-used letter in my writing, or whether it just happened to receive more force from my fingers than the other letters.

Now that the "L" is actually gone, however, a disturbing fact has come to light -- which is that the letters' disappearance is impacting my ability to type. I learned how to type in high school -- it was a class, just like Calculus and U.S. History -- and in one of my first jobs, did nothing but type well-known writers' manuscripts into the computer. In the 20 years since then, I have made my living at a keyboard. I am, in other words, a highly skilled typist -- one who wouldn't dare look at the keys for fear of breaking my rhtyhm. When my kids were little, they used to come into my office and hold things over my hands as my fingers flew across the keyboard: they wanted proof that I didn't need to look. I smiled and kept typing, and gave them what they needed, because I could -- for a few moments at a time. But now that my letters are fading, the truth is that I need them. The truth is that I look.

I find myself, from time to time, coming to a dead halt as I type, and staring at the keyboard, trying to remember what letter occupied the place where the "L" used to be. I look at the blank "M" key and think -- was THAT "L?" I look at the faded "C" key and think -- is that half a "G?" An "O?" My brain can't compute. All these years, I have relied on furtive little glances, reassuring glimpses.

I am considering taking white nail polish and patching up my battered keyboard. I am thinking about searching the Internet to see if I can buy replacement keys, or a dead keyboard whose letters are still whole, so I can farm the keys I need. All of these solutions, however, seem like a cop-out. Perhaps I should, at long last, learn not to look??